my girlfriend is gay

I didn't know it right away. We'd always been close. One day, she gave me this look. That's all it took. Then I considered myself a lesbian; others said I was bisexual. I remember that one night... I'm not supposed to share personal stuff about her on here, because who knows who reads this thing. I am allowed to say, "I love her so much!" LOL. Oh well, just know it involved me...trying to be coy. LOL. Just reminiscing.

God is Love and Love is for Everyone

I made a commitment to read more blogs this year. I have been disheartened by the number of people who are questioning their salvation. My granny told me something awhile ago that I hold dear to me and I will share with you.

My granddaddy used to run around with some of everybody. It is rumored that I have aunts and uncles 15 years younger than me. It is rumored that my grandfather was abusive mentally, verbally, and physically to my granny, aunts & uncles, and my mom. Now I never saw evidence of abuse; but adultery, yes. Papa was a rolling stone.

My granny had men always approaching her in the grocery store, at church, in the laundromat. I was like, "get it". People frequently asked my grandma why she stayed with him. She knew the answer without even skipping a beat, "Because I am not going to hell for anyone. I love God, so I will obey him."

That was one of the most profound things I have ever heard her say. She did not let other people tell her how to live her life or serve God. Regardless of her circumstances, she loved God, and never waivered in her faith.

I learned from my granny that all I have to do is follow my own path. My relationship with God is personal and can not be dictated by anyone else. I learned love, joy, happiness, and comfort. I even learned that God doesn't care who you sleep with.God only cares that you love him and you give all glory and honor to him. Through prayer, meditation and studying the bible, I have found true happiness. This happiness can not be taken away from me; and it can't be taken away from you!

Let's Get Real About Abuse!

With all of the media coverage (TMZ, Bloggers, Tom Joyner) on domestic violence; I am forced to comment on the Chris Brown and Rihanna situation. I am displeased with the discourse surrounding the incident for several reasons:

1. Domestic violence is not simply defined as "any time a man hits a woman". People are abused on a daily basis. I feel like this discussion is negating instead of bringing to light the circumstances surrounding their situations. Abuse occurs just because-without provocation. Some, just because they woke up that morning. Some abuse others for power, because they can mentally or physically dominate the other person. One could fix spaghetti for dinner and the abuser wanted pork chops; the next moment is filled with pain and anguish.

The mere physical confrontation between two individuals does not always equal abuse. It means that the anger has overrun the situation and they do not know how to verbally communicate further. Poor communication skills can cause people to say and do things that they will in turn regret. Individuals have to take responsibility for their actions and stop playing the role of the victim especially when they are not a victim.

2. Gender does not give you a free license to say and do whatever you want. Women can't just "say or do anything" especially in an argument and the expectation is that the other party will "do nothing" or "walk away". Why is society putting all of this pressure on men to always do the "right thing"? It is just ridiculous, unfair, and unrealistic.

If a woman decided that she just wants to pop her man upside the head because she felt like it and her man hits her, isn't it basic reflex that would make him hit her back? In this incident, the man would not view the person as a gender or opposite sex, but as an opponent. I doubt that there hasn't been that one incident where you got ticked off so much that anger ensued and logic went out the window. How could there possibly be any logic or sense involved when people are arguing?


3. Women abuse women; men abuse men; women abuse men, and men abuse women. The terms "violence against women" and "woman beater" are obsolete. Just because a man hits a woman does not make him an abuser. Just because a woman is hit by a man does not mean she is abused. Let's not forget about the people who do not fit society's mold of relationships. Also, there have been times when people look forward to having fights, women and men alike.

Overall, violence should not be a justified means for anything. We all need to keep our hands to ourselves. Strong communication skills are necessary for all relationships. Regardless whether someone is a celebrity or not, human instinct puts one into either a fight or flight mode. This situation just so happened to be a display of fight mode. This does not mean that Chris Brown is a bad person. Am I a bad person if I get in a fight with my cousin? No, it just means that the incident occurred and we probably have regrets.

We all need to have self-control over what we say, how we say it, what we do, and how we respond. Unlike cases of intimate relationship violence, in the case of Chris Brown and Rihanna, no one is a victim. Rihanna just had physical evidence from said conflict. But sometimes emotional and mental pain can run deeper than the appearance. And no one in the media seems to be discussing how both parties are feeling at this very moment or how their actions are inflicting deeper scars on these individuals and the nation as a whole.

Yay for Milk! It Does Everyone Good!

Congratulations to Dustin Lance Black for his win -Best Original Screenplay for "Milk." His passionate acceptance speech touched my heart and like him, I do hope for federal rights for the glbtq community.

Update: Sean did it! To Best Actor -Sean Penn for his wonderful role as Harvey Milk.

Even though I want to be...

I am so not inspired to do anything right now. I am not depressed; I just don't feel like being bothered with anyone or anything. I enjoy spending time with my boo and right now, I'm content with that.

Today was the first day I talked to my momma since like the beginning of the month. She didn't do anything mean or anything, I just haven't talked to many people. Before today, I hadn't talked to my aunt, granny, little cousins, or even some of my friends. Heck I still haven't talked to all of the aforementioned. Sometimes, I send a text or two, but that's about it.

Honestly, this seclusion has been wonderful. I did get caught up in the television though; but that quickly made me so tired of all the negativity in the world. All of the energy spent saying something negative can be better spent doing something positive. I will get my life going back into that direction.

I have spent my time working, sleeping, writing, planning my next moves, and enjoying the quality time with my love. Today was a pamper me session; pedicures, shampooing my hair, long hot shower,etc. It was a great day. My feet are so smooth. LOL. Maybe that is TMI...but anywho.

I did my sister-in-laws hair too. She liked it and I am so glad because she was cutting it in protest. Apparently someone at school told her her hair was ugly, her solution: cut it. I was like wow. But she's a sweety pie and it gave me a little joy playing in her hair. Tomorrow we are taking her out for a day of girly fun- amusement park and probably dinner. I am sure we will have a blast.

I am not my hair...

When I first started writing this blog, I always had a song in my head and it would usually dictate what I wrote about. So I thought I should get back into that mode because my writing is slacking. I love music and it always inspires me. Since my hair dictated my day, India Arie is on the brain.

This stuff on my head is the cause of much stress. At times, it will cooperate and I can do anything I want with it. Other times, it is just really brittle and dry--no matter what I do. I realized there was a key difference in my routine; the shampoo.

When it was first released, I became hooked on Pantene's Relaxed & Natural Shampoo/Conditioner. I mean I received free samples in the mail before I paid a dime for it. I was so pleased, I told everyone I could about it. It costs around 10 bucks for the pair. As my financial situation changed, I switched back to Suave. It was so not the right decision. I mean even the condition of my scalp changed.

Well that will be remedied real soon, as I have switched back to Pantene. Some people don't believe it works. I will vouch for this product if you have natural/non relaxed hair. It is a great moisturizer and strengthener. My hair was so silky this evening; I know I won't be switching back-so long as I can help it.

Hair Weave Saves Life!

Ya'll ain't gonna believe this! This young lady was shot at by her ex-boyfriend. The bullet was stopped by her hair weave. She said it felt hot when it hit her head. She said she spent so much money on her weave and here it has saved her life. She is truly blessed!

Lesbians & Media

I have been watching a lot of TV lately.I love Law & Order: Criminal Intent. I have noticed a few commonalities in the lesbians they portray; they are manipulative, certifiably insane, homicidal or all 3. It's weird. I hadn't really noticed it before.

Then today, I was listening to Judge Karen (I was supposed to be working). And these two gay guys were on there arguing about a computer. Apparently they were married/residents of Massachusetts so of course it was considered marital property. Apparently, they got married because one had a felony charge against him and the other would have testified against him if they had not gotten married.

To say the least, I was dissapointed in their behavior. So many people want to get married, and they simply can't. I guess that's how some single women feel about married women. When you want a relationship you say all of the things you wouldn't do, but when you get it, how do you behave? But that's another post for another day.

Then there is this perception that lesbians are easy, have no problem co-habitating, and don't mind wild sex orgies. And then on the other hand, lesbians are portrayed as so desperate to have a baby, that they will do anything to get pregnant. Lest I forget about this club girl complex--I'm a lesbian after a few drinks.

Where is the middle ground? I guess average is not exciting to mainstream media. That is so irritating. I am nothing like that, but in the media, the portrayal is so abhorrent. Is that even the right word? I don't know...but I'm done with this rant. What are you all watching on television that portrays all types of lesbians? At least a variety, besides The L Word? All suggestions welcome!

I'm a Valentine's Whore

I mean it is literally, one of my top 4 favorite holidays. Most people would say its because I am in a relationship. That's not necessarily true; our worst argument was on a Valentine's Day! That memory lingers.

But I love it because it represents one of the most precious emotions-love. You don't have to be romantically involved with someone to have a good valentines. My momma would send me a valentine box every year. It would have little knick knacks....cups, candy, bubble bath, stuffed animals, and usually a card.

As my girlfriend and I were reminiscing, we realized, we couldn't remember most of the evenings we celebrated. Usually we would just order in or my cousin would cook for us. We had actually gone out for v-day only 1 other time. We had a great time. Totally spontaneous.

We hung out with her mom for a couple of hours then we gathered our treats (wine and chocolate), looked for something to do, decided on a dinner destination and savored the ambiance. I really can rate this V-day as #1.

We asked a couple of friends to come with us, but they decided to do nothing. It always kills me how people complain about not getting invited anywhere, but when you invite them, they say no. Just doesn't make any sense to me. Valentine's Day is what you make it, PEOPLE! Seriously.

Anywho...I feel so blessed, because we had a car all weekend. Sometimes, I felt we were just riding around for the heck of it. Sure is nice to be grateful for the little things. LOL. Well I hope you had a wonderful weekend, a beautiful day, and showed your gratitude whenever possible!

Love ya!

Tamara

Happy Valentine's Day

I love you,
You love me,
We're as happy as can be
With a great big hug
and a kiss from me to you,
Won't you say you
LOVE me too!

Peace and Quiet

I have a pay as you go cell phone. I usually run out of minutes before the end of my month. This month I signed up for more minutes than usual. I tell you the phone only rings when I don't want it too. When I am just chillin and relaxin folk are blowing the phone up...and for what? NOTHING! LOL, people crack me up.

Luscious Lush

One year, we went to New York City to ring in the new year. It was then I was introduced to my favorite stores, Lush and Sephora.

I had a hideous allergic reaction to this balm that was used to twist my hair. I mean it looked like blisters instead of pimples going right across the apple of my cheeks. We went to Lush and they hooked me up. I mean within 2 days, the face was cleared up!

I used the Herbalism Cleanser:


and then the Mask of Magnaminty:



These products are all natural and worked wonders for my skin. I was thinking about buying some for my little cousin. She wants to be on ANTM, but she keeps getting this breakout right across her forehead. But you know teens; they can be so finicky. I would hate to spend all that money and then she not use it.

Photo Credits: Lush

Detox Day!

I woke up late this morning. My shift at work starts at 9:30am. I woke up at 9:37am. Grant it, all I have to do is roll out of bed and to the computer, but this was not how I wanted to start my day. Once at the computer, it literally took me almost 2 hours to get logged in and ready to work. Errors were popping up, the screen kept freezing, and the essays would not download. (I critique essays and research papers.)

Then I realized, I had not been "grateful" or "feeling good". I need to change the way I am thinking. Who cares if I was tired. I shouldn't have stayed up so late. I should have taken that ibuprofen earlier in the night. I should have...you get the picture. Ultimately, I probably just wanted an excuse to not go to work. How lame is that?

I got my tax refund already, so all of my money worries are gone! I should be GRATEFUL beyond measure. Even though I don't have a car anymore, I live in a centrally located neighborhood and have good friends who look out for us.

But I also realized I have been taking in a large amount of garbage--ie negative crap. I have been watching the depressing ass news everyday. Yeah that's over with. If I wanted to be depressed, I would just go back to looking for a 9 to 5 job. I have been watching those court tv shows and gossip shows like tmz. Yeah enough of that too. Plus there are probably some residual feelings of contempt for people I argued with last week. Gotta get that out of my head!

After I get off work today, I plan on going into detox mode. How? LAUGHING MY A** OFF! Anything on you tube that is funny, I'll be watching it. I am going to put in my favorite movies: Rat Race and Last Holiday. Then I will blast the good music for the rest of the evening; whilst I write, sing, and dance. Anything that makes me feel good, I will be DOING! ;-) I should probably add some peanut butter and chocolate somewhere in this evening.

My First Valentine

Roses are Red.
Violets are Blue.
If you won't be my Valentine,
I'll sue you.
_____________
I wrote this in first grade. If only love were that easy... :=)

Photo Credit: Stock.Xchng

The Valentine's Day for Less!

Dating on a Budget: Valentine's Day Edition I am sure you will be able to find something to do with your sweety from this list. Have a good night everybody.

Sex on the brain...

I have been thinking about sex non-stop lately. I used to want to be a sex therapist. I am fascinated by the Kinsey reports. I took as many classes about human sexuality as possible.

Currently I am researching graduate programs so that I can become a family therapist. After looking at Tammy's Pure Romance site, I am wondering why I even want a degree. I can just be a pure romance consultant. They have training and everything.

I know I want to go to grad school because I want to have the science to back it up. Plus, I also want to focus my practice on the lgbt community. Specifically couples counseling. With all of this gay marriage hoopla, the next thing we need to address is having healthy relationships and good communication.

We have a lot of issues that we never get to work through in heteronormative America. From relationships with parents to co-workers and every other Sue, Sam, and Jane who feels the need to judge- lgbt folk barely get any peace. Then add lesbian bed death and someone needs some therapy in and out of the bedroom.

Every Kiss Begins with Kay...

You know the saying. Because the jewelry is nice, cheap, and readily available throughout the country Kay Jewelers can boast that they are the #1 selling jewelers in the USA. But, there is a problem that every dame should know about. Just because a business is big and is #1 in sales doesn’t mean that they care about you as a customer.

I received a ring for Christmas 07. My sweetie bought the additional warranty and was told that if anything happened to it, I could take it back and get it fixed. The only thing I had to do was take it back every six months to be inspected and cleaned. Within the first week I was in the store because the stone had fallen out of the ring. They replaced it with no problem. I took it back at the six month mark and no problems. The 11th month rolled around and the stone came out again. This time I couldn’t find it. I took it back to the store but it was a not a pleasant experience. Because the associate did not put in the computer that I had brought the ring in at the 6 month mark, I would have to pay for the stone to be replaced. Rubbish! So now it’s my responsibility to make sure that the associate did their job? This is ridiculous.

I love the ring and appreciate my sweetie, and what it stands for. However, WE refuse to pay for a faulty stone to be replaced. If the stone had not come out the first week, then I would be more accepting of this situation. If I had not gone back at the 6 month mark, I would be more accepting of this situation. But it did and I did...so I am more than upset, but not quite furious!

It’s funny though. I still wear the ring even without the stone. It’s my silent protest against Kay Jewelers and showing my appreciation to the love of my life. I bought her ring from Kay and luckily we haven’t had any problems with it at all. I want the stone replaced but I don’t want to have to pay for it because for the price of the stone we could buy a whole new ring. I wish I could find the stone from this ring, but it could be literally anywhere.

Hi Friends!

So, for some reason, I have been having trouble commenting on my blog. :-( Boo.

But as far as the black bean burgers, THEY ARE DELICIOUS. All you do is take a can of black beans, rinse them and put half in a bowl. Add 3 tablespoons of mayo and chili powder. I like a lot of chili powder...like maybe 2 tablespoons, but you can do it to taste. And then add about a cup of bread crumbs. Mix together really good, mashing the beans as you go. Then add the remainder of black beans for texture. Fry them up and my goodness...you have a treat. It tastes really good with salsa and sour cream. A regular bun or toasted bread will suffice. And we don't have a Wegmans. We have Harris Teeter and I love it!

Also, I got my regular schedule for Smarthinking...YAHOO!! Surely makes up for me not being able to work at Mad Science. Plus I can substitute teach for other people to get more hours.

It's getting really cold here again, hopefully some snow. I hope you all have a really good week! TTYL.