Too funny.

Me: Girl why did your big sister just slice her thumb open while washing dishes. All I heard was her yelling "I'm bleeding. I'm bleeding!" I grabbed a maxi pad and ran down the hallway, wrapped it around her thumb then played doctor and patched her back together.  and they talking about me now cuz i grabbed the pad. i'm like shoot... it worked!
Lil Sister: LMAO!!! Did it stop the bleeding...if so then they should b quiet.
Me:  yeah it did. LOL. First aid 101 put pressure on the wound. although not sterile...still clean
Lil Sister: As long as that did the job.  Wait? So u ran pass tissue and grabbed a pad lol!?!
Me:  LMAO actually I didn't. I cleaned out my purse last night and it was a pad sitting in my "to put away" pile. LOL.
Lil Sister:  okay...i guess its okay then.

Relentless Wonder

I have a lot of daddy issues. I didn't know how much until I sat down the other night to write one thing and out came another. It's funny how I thought I had already dealt with this situation a looooonng time ago.   I mean I seriously do not know if this man is my father. And if he is- love is not the first emotion that comes to mind. I often think of my mother and how she must have felt-- making a baby with a man who could not deal. And I have watched enough paternity tests to know that even though we look alike, he could still hear a resounding "you are not the father."

In middle school, I met my "sister". She is supposedly 5 or 6 years older than me. She was nice and we looked alike- well that's what others said. We hung out a lot and then her mom moved her to Virginia Beach. I missed her for awhile. Having a big sister was so much fun. We find each other and then lose contact. My aunt who passed away was the one who was always in the know.

These relationships were in my past and I need to find a way to put it behind me. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter. My past is not my future - nor my present. The traditional sense of obligation has long been gone. So, why do I care?

Gardening

I really like vegetables. I am talking about brussel sprouts (sp?), greens, cabbage, green beans, cauliflower, broccoli, zucchini, almost anything that is cooked properly. So lately, I have been contemplating starting a community garden.  I guess I should contemplate a backyard garden first. I have never grown anything of stubstance. Even my science fair projects (tomatoes) died- year after year. But I am trying to eat healthier and I don't want to pay a ridiculous amount of money on things I have the capability of growing myself.

Random Thoughts

• I'm feeling good. I realized that I have been holding back a lot! I dont think I was ready to deal with the emotions that have been inside. Alas, it is time to express them.
• I don't have the energy, concentration, or wherewithall to blog on just tamara, writing journal, and tggt every day. Copying and posting just irritates me. Seriously. Then I can't remember the tags I used for each post. Uggh! LOL. I'll get more organized.
• I'm a lot more spiritual now.
• I haven't been to church in ages, but every little step I take is divinely done so.
• I meditate on a weekly basis. Will eventually get to a daily basis.
• 2010 Agenda = Trusting that I am on the right path!
• I have started volunteering more. It's actually fun. I have met some cool people who give me great ideas. One lady told me about Holiday Tours and how reasonable the trips are. Another lady told me about ballroom dancing. I think I am going to try to get into that this summer.
• Traveling is on the agenda for the next 6 months. Charleston, Myrtle Beach, Washington DC (2x's), Carolina Beach/Wilmington, and somewhere oversees-- hopefully France!
• I submitted my passport application and my picture was cute! Should have that back in about a month or so. Woot woot!
• I'm engaged! On the grind to get into that perfect wedding dress. 3 lbs a week is doable. I just gotta get my walk on and drinking that H2O!
• Heading over to DC for Pink Dot Concepts Say I Do Wedding Expo... You're coming right? June 6, 2010 is right around the corner!

More to come about some other revelations I have had throughout the weekend. Sleeping did me a whole lotta good!