Relentless Wonder

I have a lot of daddy issues. I didn't know how much until I sat down the other night to write one thing and out came another. It's funny how I thought I had already dealt with this situation a looooonng time ago.   I mean I seriously do not know if this man is my father. And if he is- love is not the first emotion that comes to mind. I often think of my mother and how she must have felt-- making a baby with a man who could not deal. And I have watched enough paternity tests to know that even though we look alike, he could still hear a resounding "you are not the father."

In middle school, I met my "sister". She is supposedly 5 or 6 years older than me. She was nice and we looked alike- well that's what others said. We hung out a lot and then her mom moved her to Virginia Beach. I missed her for awhile. Having a big sister was so much fun. We find each other and then lose contact. My aunt who passed away was the one who was always in the know.

These relationships were in my past and I need to find a way to put it behind me. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter. My past is not my future - nor my present. The traditional sense of obligation has long been gone. So, why do I care?