Let's Get Real About Abuse!

With all of the media coverage (TMZ, Bloggers, Tom Joyner) on domestic violence; I am forced to comment on the Chris Brown and Rihanna situation. I am displeased with the discourse surrounding the incident for several reasons:

1. Domestic violence is not simply defined as "any time a man hits a woman". People are abused on a daily basis. I feel like this discussion is negating instead of bringing to light the circumstances surrounding their situations. Abuse occurs just because-without provocation. Some, just because they woke up that morning. Some abuse others for power, because they can mentally or physically dominate the other person. One could fix spaghetti for dinner and the abuser wanted pork chops; the next moment is filled with pain and anguish.

The mere physical confrontation between two individuals does not always equal abuse. It means that the anger has overrun the situation and they do not know how to verbally communicate further. Poor communication skills can cause people to say and do things that they will in turn regret. Individuals have to take responsibility for their actions and stop playing the role of the victim especially when they are not a victim.

2. Gender does not give you a free license to say and do whatever you want. Women can't just "say or do anything" especially in an argument and the expectation is that the other party will "do nothing" or "walk away". Why is society putting all of this pressure on men to always do the "right thing"? It is just ridiculous, unfair, and unrealistic.

If a woman decided that she just wants to pop her man upside the head because she felt like it and her man hits her, isn't it basic reflex that would make him hit her back? In this incident, the man would not view the person as a gender or opposite sex, but as an opponent. I doubt that there hasn't been that one incident where you got ticked off so much that anger ensued and logic went out the window. How could there possibly be any logic or sense involved when people are arguing?


3. Women abuse women; men abuse men; women abuse men, and men abuse women. The terms "violence against women" and "woman beater" are obsolete. Just because a man hits a woman does not make him an abuser. Just because a woman is hit by a man does not mean she is abused. Let's not forget about the people who do not fit society's mold of relationships. Also, there have been times when people look forward to having fights, women and men alike.

Overall, violence should not be a justified means for anything. We all need to keep our hands to ourselves. Strong communication skills are necessary for all relationships. Regardless whether someone is a celebrity or not, human instinct puts one into either a fight or flight mode. This situation just so happened to be a display of fight mode. This does not mean that Chris Brown is a bad person. Am I a bad person if I get in a fight with my cousin? No, it just means that the incident occurred and we probably have regrets.

We all need to have self-control over what we say, how we say it, what we do, and how we respond. Unlike cases of intimate relationship violence, in the case of Chris Brown and Rihanna, no one is a victim. Rihanna just had physical evidence from said conflict. But sometimes emotional and mental pain can run deeper than the appearance. And no one in the media seems to be discussing how both parties are feeling at this very moment or how their actions are inflicting deeper scars on these individuals and the nation as a whole.