What If My Friend Tamara Is Gay?

The above question was one of the search terms used that led to my blog. I laughed. Aloud. For a minute or two. It is a question that could have very well been written by one of my friends. Therefore, I have to answer.

Answer:
So what? Do you want to date your friend Tamara? Otherwise, it shouldn't matter. I am sure the Tamara you know won't suddenly change into a hypersexual crazed lesbian. And if she does...why does it matter?  There are hypersexual crazed heterosexual people everywhere. (I'm just saying!) 

Before you proceed, you will need to ask yourself a few questions: What is the nature of your relationship? Is this your shopping buddy? A really close friend? Co-worker? Has your relationship entered into a space that allows you to talk about such an intimate issue?

For instance, some of my friends have made it clear on several occassions that they do not want to talk about their sex life, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, etc-- and I respect that. With these people, I know it doesn't matter and I am content with just being the best friend I can be. We value the same things and offer support where needed.

So I say to you-- consider Tamara in this equation. She is not just gay. She is a human being with interests, hobbies, likes, and dislikes. What will knowing this minute detail do for your relationship? Will it enhance it? You know, you don't have to be sure she is gay to be a support system. Another simple way to handle this is to just ask her and be ready for an honest answer. And remember, this has nothing to do with you. Not everyone is ready or willing to be open about their sexuality. It's best to let her tell you if and when she wants to.

my girlfriend is gay

I didn't know it right away. We'd always been close. One day, she gave me this look. That's all it took. Then I considered myself a lesbian; others said I was bisexual. I remember that one night... I'm not supposed to share personal stuff about her on here, because who knows who reads this thing. I am allowed to say, "I love her so much!" LOL. Oh well, just know it involved me...trying to be coy. LOL. Just reminiscing.

"Fake" Name My Ass

So today, I was looking at a magazine and I came across an article about black women on the down low. One of the interviewees reminded me of a girl from college. Now we weren't friends by any means. There was a situation that impeded a possible friendship. I believe this article was talking about her, eventhough it said it wasn't her real name. Bull!

There are several clues that lead me to believe that is indeed her; the psychologist and amateur FBI profiler in me says it's her. And frankly, I was pissed. But why was I pissed?

As I looked back on my undergraduate years, I thought about our encounters. I thought about how the first few years, I really did care about fitting in and acting the proper way. I've always been a good girl to the average person, but I've done my share of dirt. However, this particular person used her perception of a situation I was involved in and tried to tarnish my good reputation.

I felt under constant judgement from her and her friends. I did things that I didn't necessarily need to do, just so I could feel justified in previous actions. I know this is kinda vague...but essentially, I cared what this chick thought of me so much, that I did stuff...I guess..in a way to win her approval.

So essentially, I am pissed at myself. Pissed that I gave her that much control in my life. But glad, that I'm a big girl now and can learn from my mistakes and be honest with myself. I am even more committed now to watch what I say to others, about others.

Straight and Narrow

I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. It's like parents get together and have a secret meeting when they suspect their child of being gay. They have a script:

"I want grandchildren." (That's nice.)
"You've changed. You're just so different." (I have changed. I grew the hell up.) *LOL
"When are you going to give me some grandchildren?" (When are you going to give me $1 million?)
"You should get married." (You should have voted no on Prop 8 and maybe that would have occurred.)
"I want you to be happy. You don't seem happy." (I'm not because you are bugging the hell out of me.)
"You need a man." ( You need a man, so you can stay the hell out of my bedroom.)
"I just want what's best for you." ( I just want you to know that you don't get to decide what's best for me.)

I mean I just don't get it anymore. I am (and many of you are to) too old for this line of questioning. Alot of you are over the age of 18 and well on your own or making moves to get there, right? What happened to, "When you get out of my house, you can do anything you want to do with your life." When did parents decide that they wanted to continue to control their kids lives post high school and college? In the words of Major Payne, "Pop your ti-ttie out his mouth" and let people do them.

Growing up, we did not question our parents actions. No, we let them make decision upon decision without questioning them. Plus if we had, we might have gotten slapped. Now I know we can't slap our parents...well we could, but I wouldn't advise it, but there has to be a level of respect on both sides so that we can live our life the way we want to live it. Acceptance is one thing. Disrespect is another. How would you handle your parents constantly nagging you about these issues, when you have made it clear that it is 1) none of their damn business and 2) it ain't happening.

I have a confession to make.

The closet door is open, but I still have 1 foot in....I only halfway came out. I sent the link to people I really wanted to know. Others don't even know this blog exists. My family reads, but my girlfriend's family has no idea this blog exists. People I used to work with don't know this blog exists. Why? Fear...and some I just don't want all up in my bedroom. I want to come out all the way. But there has always been so much speculation...I don't want people to be right. LOL. Does that make sense? All of the whispers and bets, someone is going to win them. But I don't want to be the one to confirm it...At my former job, I never confirmed nor denied. I even had an incident where a group of students found out, but once again... I just sort of laughed it off to, "Are you trying to hook up with me?" My girlfriend is not out...and I don't want to be the one to out her. If I did come all the way out, everyone would automatically know. What's a girl to do?