What about your friends?

Friend:  "a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations."

I decided, long ago, that I only need friends who are supportive; not ones who subtly judge me or put me down when they can.  I don't have time to deal with other people's issues if I am not getting paid for it. I want to be a therapist but not during my free time.  I seek healthy friendships. I seek out relationships that are reciprocal. Part of that reciprocity includes treating me the way you want to be treated.

A friend of mine was having trouble securing a person to work at one of her events; I called on my friends who lived in the same area.  These friends include gay/straight/college friends/family/folk from around the way.
 

So when I received this message, I was a bit put off: 

Reconnecting

Last year, I decided to not call people who didn't call me. This was mainly because I felt like I was bothering people when I contacted them.  Can anyone relate to this? Read about it here...  After re-reading that post, I realized I didn't go indepth about how I felt that some people in my life were simply using me. But, I am sure you are smart enough to get the picture. I would just call to talk or see how someone was doing and they would act like I was committing a sin for speaking their name. So I stopped. 

I ended the reaching out to people because I didn't really think they cared one way or the other.  In that previous post/comments, I recognized that each friend has their purpose/time frame to be in my life.  I have a friend who is solely for traveling, another who I can go to hangout with, another who is good for Barnes & Noble trips, etc... Everyone is not in my life for the same thing.

But there is another group of people that I have neglected.  Other people I just lost touch with...I liked them still the same, they moved to other cities,states,etc and phone numbers got changed, emails were exchanged a few times, but that was about it. I really miss some of those people.  Facebook has done a great job of reconnecting me with the people who I genuinely like, do not get on my nerves, have a lot in common with, and are no longer in the same city/region in which I live. Some I understand are still not supposed to be in my life, while others I can't wait to meet up with again.

Thank God for technology.

I hadn't blogged in 4ever

I almost forgot my login information. Well not really since it's my email login. But it feels like it has been ages. I love Spring and Summer. They are my favorite seasons. I get a little antsy and the exploration bug comes alive. I've pondered several questions over the past few weeks. Here are just a few:

Why do some straight people think there "marriages" are "better" or "different" from other relationships. I ran into an old co-worker and she said, "you're relationship is different from mine because I can't be around my husband that long. I need to get away from him sometimes." I took it as a compliment cuz I love being around my honey bear. Who needs to be in a relationship if you can't stand being around the other person? That's just ludicrous to me.

Why do parents think of their children always in age 5 mode? Some think that just because you are the child, you will always remain in "child mode". That's even more rediculous to me. I love that insurance commercial when the kids are asking for the keys to the car and curfew extension. Pops is looking at them in their pre-puberty state and they leave out of the house in teenage state. I love it.

I also thought about all of the times I lied to cover up my sexuality. It feels so good to be free and let that sin roll off my back.

And this isn't really a question, but more of a realization: We need more gay couples as friends. OMG! If I hear of another potluck, "game night" or "couples night" I might just scream. Especially since, I have no desire to hang out with a bunch of hetero couples. Not that there is anything wrong with them as individual couples, but get a bunch together and I just can't take it.

Ok! I think that is it for now. I hope you all have a wonderful evening!

Untitled

I used to always get irritated by my father's side of my family because they were never affectionate towards me. I never got a hug from anybody. I didn't even meet him until I was like 11 or 12. I tried hanging out with my sister a few times afterwards. That didn't work.

My family would make me call him if I needed something. That didn't feel good. Because I felt like they would think all I wanted was money. But I didn't even want that. It was something my momma couldn't give me - thus I needed it. She was to proud to ask for it - so I had too.

They never came to anything - performances, graduations, birthdays'etc. And they were always invited.I actually despised my father for a long time because I never felt like he loved me. I was actually surprised a few weeks ago when I went to the Social Security office and his name was on my form. Hell, he didn't even sign my birth certificate.

On my momma's side, I couldn't get through the door without being hugged, pinched, or bitten on my fat cheeks. I had been socialized in this manner from birth. My Granny, has this talent of giving me what I want financially, but what I need emotionally. She knows when to give me a hug and when I need a dollar. She is balanced. She NEVER missed anything that I deemed important. She would take off work to come to chorus performances, awards day ceremonies, even band performances in high school. Maybe she is special- she had 6 kids, so she probably knows a thing or two. My girlfriend is a lot like her. They like some of the same things. It's kinda freaky. LOL.

But, I have always wanted to be just like her. Thus, I try to mirror some of her positive behaviors in my relationships: Encouragment, emotional support, financial support if possible. In college, my gf sang with the college choir. Although, I wasn't really into all of the music (a lot of it was foreign) I went to every on-campus performance. Off-campus performances were another story because they were all over. I didn't have a car and I couldn't just ride with them. But if they were on campus or a nearby church, I was there. I sat there, sometimes by myself, to show my support. Eventually, most of the music grew on me.

This is a problem -not in my relationship but with everyone else- because I always give.

If I see an opening, I try to fill it. Need a place to stay? We have an extra room. Hungry? Let me take you out to eat. Need money? How much, for what, and do you plan on paying it back? Notice it doesn't say, "When are you paying it back?" Stranded in another state? What's the address?

Do you see why this is such a problem?

I want to give, but I don't want to feel like I'm being taken advantage of. I don't want people around me who are only my friend because they know I will do anything for them. I want to be friends with people who have common interests, enjoy the company, great discussions and can have a good time. I want people around me who will support me in my endeavors and I in theres. My granny makes me feel good. My girlfriend makes me feel good. We have a 2 way street relationship. I am no longer in the cul-de-sac riding around the little circle. It's been fun...but I am a little bit to old for all of that.

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Yesterday, I awoke to Joyce Meyer saying, "Stop beating a dead horse. God showed you this a long time ago. It's time for you to move on." I was like -- WOOOOW! Joyce. Wow! Indeed he did.

Friends

Friends don't make lame excuses on why they can't show up at your event. Especially when said event has been planned for a month. Friends do the other thing that has "come up" earlier in the day or at the very least - don't avoid your phone calls. Sometimes, friends show up anyway - even if it means they are going to be late.