What about your friends?

Friend:  "a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations."

I decided, long ago, that I only need friends who are supportive; not ones who subtly judge me or put me down when they can.  I don't have time to deal with other people's issues if I am not getting paid for it. I want to be a therapist but not during my free time.  I seek healthy friendships. I seek out relationships that are reciprocal. Part of that reciprocity includes treating me the way you want to be treated.

A friend of mine was having trouble securing a person to work at one of her events; I called on my friends who lived in the same area.  These friends include gay/straight/college friends/family/folk from around the way.
 

So when I received this message, I was a bit put off: 

Boomerang

The more I try to focus on other aspects of my personality in friendly relationships, the more my sexuality rears its head.

I met some new people at an artists meeting and I didn't disclose my "status". I know it sounds like a disease, but I just don't think it is anyone's business. If you tell someone you are gay, most of the time they don't think about relationship they think about sex...And I don't want people thinking about what I do in the bedroom with my girlfriend...You know this already---so just humor me for a minute.

We got invited to go to church and I accepted the invitation because it was "Family & Friends Day". That means there was special seating and food after the service. As a member of the "Gone Big Girls" Society since college and being cheap...I have never passed up the opportunity for anything free...food, or otherwise. Plus, I hadn't been able to go to the church, in which I am a member, for some time now--a little worship was needed.

Upon walking in the service and seeing the message of the day, something like: Marriage: Whatever happened to God's original plan, I got that "Oh no" feeling. Then I opened the program and the "Responsive Reading" was a poem. The line "Homosexuality is still a sin" immediately caught my eye. I tried to get my girlfriends attention. She sat one row in front of me. We eventually looked and gave each other "that look".

Evenstill, I was curious about this experience...as I have never been in that sermon where homosexuality is so vehemently despised. It was sad to say the least. It made me even more grateful for my relationship with such a loving God. One who isn't so vengent and allows me to make my own decisions and gives me the wisdom to make choices about love not ruled by fear.

I decided then that "free" would not be a good enough reason to do anything anymore. That delicious plate of food cost me something that no one should ever have to pay. If I hadn't worked on my relationship with God long ago, I could only imagine how the day would have turned out. On the contrary, I didn't feel bad for not saying the responsive reading or yelling "amen" or "thank you Jesus" every five minutes. I simply observed these people who all claimed to be loving Christians talk so ugly about people. Even the songs were depressing: "The rapture is coming very soon..."

The biggest lesson I learned was that I joined the congregation I joined for a reason and I need to get my hindpots back over there. I miss the uplifting singing, moments of laughter (the pastor thinks he is a comedian), and all around joyous time I have praising and thanking God for all the many blessings bestowed upon me.

Upon returning home, all I could think was "WOW."

New Beginning

I tried but did not make it to church this morning. Consequently, I was a good bedside Baptist. The message centered around the purpose of the death of Christ. This led me to draw a few conclusions and enter into dialogue with the other love of my life. Here are our findings: Christ died on the cross for all of our sins. (We all knew this.) Thus, we should not be burdened daily about sin and being a sinner. That's what his death was for. Remember, that the bible states that we are born into sin. So how can we keep saying this person or that group is full of sinners if we are all born as such? His death was to take away this label and for us to live a fulfilled life. Not a life of pain and suffering. Furthermore, happiness and the spreading of joy is our job. Are you spreading joy or misery and pain? Make the decision to spread joy, love, and peace. Also, stop allowing others to determine what your happiness is and what it looks like. We must look within ourselves for that determination.

God is Love and Love is for Everyone

I made a commitment to read more blogs this year. I have been disheartened by the number of people who are questioning their salvation. My granny told me something awhile ago that I hold dear to me and I will share with you.

My granddaddy used to run around with some of everybody. It is rumored that I have aunts and uncles 15 years younger than me. It is rumored that my grandfather was abusive mentally, verbally, and physically to my granny, aunts & uncles, and my mom. Now I never saw evidence of abuse; but adultery, yes. Papa was a rolling stone.

My granny had men always approaching her in the grocery store, at church, in the laundromat. I was like, "get it". People frequently asked my grandma why she stayed with him. She knew the answer without even skipping a beat, "Because I am not going to hell for anyone. I love God, so I will obey him."

That was one of the most profound things I have ever heard her say. She did not let other people tell her how to live her life or serve God. Regardless of her circumstances, she loved God, and never waivered in her faith.

I learned from my granny that all I have to do is follow my own path. My relationship with God is personal and can not be dictated by anyone else. I learned love, joy, happiness, and comfort. I even learned that God doesn't care who you sleep with.God only cares that you love him and you give all glory and honor to him. Through prayer, meditation and studying the bible, I have found true happiness. This happiness can not be taken away from me; and it can't be taken away from you!

Inauguration

I got a little misty. I am so proud.

Here's the thing....

I am tired of reading about Obama and Rick Warren. Everytime I go to a new news site, I say to myself..."I'm not gonna read it." And low and behold, I end up reading someone else's opinion of why Warren should not be a part of the inauguration.

And frankly my dear...here's my $5 input. I read a biography about Rick Warren a couple of years ago. I admired his tenacity. He got his church up off the ground like many other pastors. What concerns me is not what he says about gay people, but how we react to what he says about gay people. How can we want everyone to have a place at the table, but not want everyone to have a place at the table?

Many people have compared homosexuals to pedophilia, incest, and beastiality. Many people believe that deep down in their souls that we are going to hell. And you know what, they are entitled to their belief. No matter how stupid, ignorant, or uneducated they sound they are entitled to it.

Hell, my momma and I am sure many of your parents have thought or said similar things. But that doesn't keep you from loving them. And if given the opportunity to speak at the inauguration, we would be right there by there side.

No More Drama

Yeah, Mary J Blige. I love her. If you look at her career, it's been a ride. If she hadn't told us what she was going through, we probably wouldn't have ever known. I was thinking, wow she has truly grown up. I mean she says she had some toxic people around her and toxic behaviors abounded. She eliminitated the toxins from her life and look at her now. I mean she probably still has issues right? Everyone does.

But what is important is how she looks at her life now. She's happy for the little things and the big things.

So that's basically what I have been doing through the gratitude posts: eliminating toxins from my life. If you look at this blog in the beginning until now...I have grown. You may not be able to see that, but I have. Trying to figure out what to write about is one thing, but dealing with other people's emotions is quite another. So I had to let some people go and realize that it's not always about me!

When people say silly s&*t it is about them and their insecurities. People who have issues with gay marriage have an issue with their marriage or the lack thereof. When your parents nag you about your life or your friends criticize it's because they don't like what is going on with them. I was sitting here reading other people's blogs and realized that we are all going through the same sh*t...and for what? Like my family always had something to say about my hair. Why? Because there hair wasn't as long as mine, as thick as mine, and they wanted hair just like mine in it's relaxed state. But I am cool without a relaxer, so I will remain natural.

Our emotions can only be toyed with if we allow it. I am tired of playing games and feeding into other people's insecurities. Screw 'em. If somebody doesn't like what you do or say, Screw 'em. If they don't like who you are sleeping with this week, screw them too! If your life doesn't fit there little playbook...tell em ... that's right screw you...I really want to say the F word...but I am trying to eliminate it from my vocabulary.

2008 is coming to an end and it is high time to decide to live your life for you. Stop getting caught up in this everyday drama from the outside sources (news, other people, etc.). Have you made your "easy life" to-do list for 2009-2013, not a resolution...they never get done, but how about a 4 year plan?

An attack on love...

Some people find it hard to believe that I am and have no problem with religion/sexuality and that I actually call myself a christian.

Here's the thing: If I believe that 1. I am a child of God, 2. He knew me before I knew myself, and 3. That God created me in his image then I must believe that 1. I am loved, 2. This is no surprise to him, and 3. I am not the abomination that others try to make me out to be.

I believe that it is our responsibility to practice loving. God loved us so much that he gave his son's life for us. (This is what I believe, whatever your religion I am sure there is a similar ideology). In return, we should continue to pay that love forward. Love.

An attack on gay marriage is an attack on love. Shouldn't we want love in our society? Wouldn't love make our society better? Relationships stronger? Whether it is big love or small love, shouldn't we be encouraging healthy loving relationships in all of its forms--especially between consenting adults?

Wouldn't that make for a stronger America?

Maybe we should eliminate marriages all together. It isn't creating the desired results. It doesn't keep a relationship or family unit together. What it does is give people who get married, special rights (tax breaks, visitation rights, etc). Marriage doesn't create a family....it manages families.

As a matter of fact, marriage is not even talked about in the bible as a necessity. Let me hush, I do not think you all are ready for that conversation yet.

New campaign: No on Marriage, Yes on Love?

Yeah, I said it, now what?