What If My Friend Tamara Is Gay?

The above question was one of the search terms used that led to my blog. I laughed. Aloud. For a minute or two. It is a question that could have very well been written by one of my friends. Therefore, I have to answer.

Answer:
So what? Do you want to date your friend Tamara? Otherwise, it shouldn't matter. I am sure the Tamara you know won't suddenly change into a hypersexual crazed lesbian. And if she does...why does it matter?  There are hypersexual crazed heterosexual people everywhere. (I'm just saying!) 

Before you proceed, you will need to ask yourself a few questions: What is the nature of your relationship? Is this your shopping buddy? A really close friend? Co-worker? Has your relationship entered into a space that allows you to talk about such an intimate issue?

For instance, some of my friends have made it clear on several occassions that they do not want to talk about their sex life, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, etc-- and I respect that. With these people, I know it doesn't matter and I am content with just being the best friend I can be. We value the same things and offer support where needed.

So I say to you-- consider Tamara in this equation. She is not just gay. She is a human being with interests, hobbies, likes, and dislikes. What will knowing this minute detail do for your relationship? Will it enhance it? You know, you don't have to be sure she is gay to be a support system. Another simple way to handle this is to just ask her and be ready for an honest answer. And remember, this has nothing to do with you. Not everyone is ready or willing to be open about their sexuality. It's best to let her tell you if and when she wants to.

Renewed Purpose: That Gay Girl Tamara

When I started this blog, I was angry with people for not acknowledging my lesbian existence. The incident:  I was on the phone while the need to back Florida's Proposition 2 (marriage ammendment) during the 2008 election year was discussed-- because "lesbians are sick"  I lost it. I mean the infamous "coming out" arguments were never pretty...and yet people always seemed to forget that I am a lesbian

As a black lesbian who had lived with my girlfriend since 2001, it was mind boggling to say the least.  How could I get folk to listen to me?  The blog was sent to a few friends and it quickly got forwarded to others. It was inevitable that my childhood best friend would send it to her mom. I was shocked and relieved at the same time. I'm sure my mom has read it...as she got the link as well. But, as I progressed and I started baring my soul...I didn't really want her to read it anymore.
In discussions, I found that this--wanting people to not read the blog-- was a common phenomenon with some blog writers.  Throughout this blog, I have simply discussed the nature of myself and all of my inconsistencies. At the moment that the post is written, that is how I feel.  Sometimes, I see myself writing in circles--but it is a great way for me to get to the root of my feelings. When I read the previous posts, I am reminded of my purpose and the path from which I have sometimes strayed. I have no agenda except to be unapologetically and utterly me: a loving lesbian of color engaged to another wonderful lesbian of color and wanting to make the world a better place for all of us.

Happy Memorial Day

Today is my granny's birthday. Lucky her-- she get's two holidays in one. This day is also significant because my grandfather was a veteran. He passed away in July of 2004 from complications that he received in the Korean War. I know...he was old. But it was a long hard life. Yesterday would have been his 80th (??? I'm not really sure about this) birthday. As I think about my grandparents and all that they endured, I would like to offer a sincere "thank you" to all of the service women and men who put their lives on the line for our country and it's continued safety. Almost every male in my family has served in the armed forces. This day is truly heartwrenching when I think about all of the people who have lost their lives in battle...from complications...or still living with fresh knowledge (and some not so good) of the wars or places they were deployed. I pray for a flourishing of peace on Earth.

Loving Love

I love love.  I like reading about people in love. I like seeing couples show their love for one another. It's a beautiful feeling and vision. Delicate, tender- yet intense.  Real love. Like Mary J. Blige circa 1992 love.  Walks in the park. No power tripping. Just love.  Unremarkable becomes spectacular. The mundane elicits tears of joy. No control. Just love. Love.

If you haven't heard by now...

that I am engaged to Ladybug Smile...you are definitely under a rock. And if you don't know that we were featured in the Say I Do! Expo newsletter, then I really don't know where you have been. You should be following me on Twitter.

Where have I been?

Writing.
Writing some more.
And writing even more.
Traveling
Planning
Writing
and that's about it...not much really.

I have been inspired so I have to do what I have to do to get out of the "daytime job grind".
Tami and Tanesha are such an inspiration. Not only does the Say I Do! LGBT Wedding Expo have a great lineup of vendors and sponsors, but now it is an official event of DC PRIDE!!!!! I have no reservations about driving the six hours to attend the event. I am so elated it is ridiculous.  The fact that this was just conceived and executed and it has become so much more just makes me swoon with the notice that I can do it too.

I can plan something with no expectations and it can exceed my wildest dreams. Now I have to get back to writing....

Too funny.

Me: Girl why did your big sister just slice her thumb open while washing dishes. All I heard was her yelling "I'm bleeding. I'm bleeding!" I grabbed a maxi pad and ran down the hallway, wrapped it around her thumb then played doctor and patched her back together.  and they talking about me now cuz i grabbed the pad. i'm like shoot... it worked!
Lil Sister: LMAO!!! Did it stop the bleeding...if so then they should b quiet.
Me:  yeah it did. LOL. First aid 101 put pressure on the wound. although not sterile...still clean
Lil Sister: As long as that did the job.  Wait? So u ran pass tissue and grabbed a pad lol!?!
Me:  LMAO actually I didn't. I cleaned out my purse last night and it was a pad sitting in my "to put away" pile. LOL.
Lil Sister:  okay...i guess its okay then.

Relentless Wonder

I have a lot of daddy issues. I didn't know how much until I sat down the other night to write one thing and out came another. It's funny how I thought I had already dealt with this situation a looooonng time ago.   I mean I seriously do not know if this man is my father. And if he is- love is not the first emotion that comes to mind. I often think of my mother and how she must have felt-- making a baby with a man who could not deal. And I have watched enough paternity tests to know that even though we look alike, he could still hear a resounding "you are not the father."

In middle school, I met my "sister". She is supposedly 5 or 6 years older than me. She was nice and we looked alike- well that's what others said. We hung out a lot and then her mom moved her to Virginia Beach. I missed her for awhile. Having a big sister was so much fun. We find each other and then lose contact. My aunt who passed away was the one who was always in the know.

These relationships were in my past and I need to find a way to put it behind me. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter. My past is not my future - nor my present. The traditional sense of obligation has long been gone. So, why do I care?