If you haven't heard by now...

that I am engaged to Ladybug Smile...you are definitely under a rock. And if you don't know that we were featured in the Say I Do! Expo newsletter, then I really don't know where you have been. You should be following me on Twitter.

Where have I been?

Writing.
Writing some more.
And writing even more.
Traveling
Planning
Writing
and that's about it...not much really.

I have been inspired so I have to do what I have to do to get out of the "daytime job grind".
Tami and Tanesha are such an inspiration. Not only does the Say I Do! LGBT Wedding Expo have a great lineup of vendors and sponsors, but now it is an official event of DC PRIDE!!!!! I have no reservations about driving the six hours to attend the event. I am so elated it is ridiculous.  The fact that this was just conceived and executed and it has become so much more just makes me swoon with the notice that I can do it too.

I can plan something with no expectations and it can exceed my wildest dreams. Now I have to get back to writing....

Congratulations D.C.

I am totally geaked about DC allowing marriage for two consenting adults regardless of sex. That is progress. All the metro area people now have the burden of paying that $45 dollar filing fee and tying the knot. Congratulations. Here are some great pictures!

In wedding preparations I found a great website:  so you're enGAYged

There is an Etsy shop that makes custome cake toppers: The Enchanted Cupboard

All you need to know about DC Marriages is here.

Weddings

I loved The Office last night. I don't keep up with characters names but it was the wedding episode. I loved it. It made me think about my own wedding and who would be invited. I already know my family is not on the list-except for my little cousin (he's 23, I know not so little). But the day should be special-- full of love and joy-- not stress. I have found myself contemplating whether or not I would tell my mom or leave it be. I think I am just going to do what makes me happy for a change and not deal with the control freaks by which I am surrounded. It's avoidance I know, but at this time in my life, I don't really care anymore. This is a recurring theme here-- doing stuff to make other people happy. Our wedding will not have that ring to it. The only person I care about being happy is the other bride and myself. Awww... I can't wait for the day.

Be Silent Be Still

So I tried not to talk yesterday- I was unsuccessful in my attempt. I know that it is something I will attempt again, and very soon. I think I was most unsuccessful because I did not disengage from the outside world. I hung out with my gf and cousin, watched tv, was on the net, answered email, etc. The act of not speaking did not adequately take me to a place of silence within. However, I did have some moments of clarity. Instead of thinking before I spoke...I got to think. I caught myself talking about people in my head. I now know that I can be very opinionated and I don't have to open my mouth to do it. I caught myself on numerous occassions talking "spit"...I am so glad I didn't say it out loud. I understand some of the things that irritate me and I understand some of the things I do that can irritate others. I also realized that a lot of talking is unnecessary-- simply done to hear my own voice. I'll try again-- This should be very interesting.

Silence

Today, I am observing a day of silence. I read a book by Anne Leclaire about meditation and silence this weekend. The only restriction for today is that I cannot speak. It was supposed to be 6 am to 6 am, but I forgot and asked my gf what time it was this morning. It's amazing how easy I forgot. I debated if I would continue and I decided to just roll with it. I changed the time to 10:30 am - 10:30 am. It's actually been pretty hard so far...I'll let you know how it goes.

Love,

Tamara

Respect My Relationship

My momma made me go to a funeral with her on Saturday. I totally didn't want to go. I can remember a time when all of the family members I had grown up with were all alive. I remember thinking, "I am so blessed I haven't experienced that loss yet." My great-grandmother passed away my first month in college. My aunt passed right after I graduated from college. My grandma's brother that Christmas and then my grandfather the next summer. 2 weeks after my grandfather, my grandma's other living brother passed away. It was hard. I didn't go to all of those funerals. I couldn't. My mind wouldn't let me. But going to a funeral of someone I didn't know was different.

I just sat there. I wanted to take out a pen and paper and write what I was observing, what I was feeling. But that didn't seem appropriate. I felt like I was spying. The lady behind me sniffled, "I lost my husband 2 years ago. Death is harder when you lose a husband." I looked at the wife. She looked surprisingly ok. I gave the lady behind me a hug--she wasn't okay. Would I be okay if something happened to my love? Would I be that strong? My granny was strong. I can't handle traveling out of town without her so I know I couldn't handle living without her. But if I lost my girlfriend, wouldn't that hurt just as much? Why is it that some married people feel that they have a monopoly on grief?

My mom had only met the deceased one time, but she was so impressed with him and how he treated her. They met while volunteering for McCain/Palin. I watched the DVD playing of him. He was driving his pickup down the middle of the street with ribbons tied to it and a McCain/Palin sign tied to the top. He looked happy. In every picture, he looked with glee. The lady behind me, "He always had a smile." I smiled.

People cried. My momma even cried. Amazingly, not one tear fell from my eyes. I am by nature very sensitive and a cry baby. It was a beautiful scene. Beautiful decorations. He was a logger. There were pine trees being given away at the door, they wanted them planted in his memory. They had a big truck like little kids get for christmas with logs riding up a greenway on his casket. Didn't take pictures, not appropriate. All of the flowers were made out of twigs...more like wreaths instead of flowers. Big red Christmas bows everywhere.

But taking all of this in, I couldn't help but think about Paula over at LezGetReal who lost her partner Debbie earlier this month. I thought about all of the lgbt folk who were in relationships and left there partners behind. And the lack of respect some people give lgbt relationships. Then I thought about my own demise. How would my family support my partner if something happened to me?

That's why this marriage thing is so important. It is almost a given that the relationship of a married couple will be respected. Every now and then you will see a crazy family member pop up and want to control things, but if the person was married they usually defer to the spouse. If the family doesn't respect it...the courts respect it. I just want my relationship respected as well.

No More Drama

Yeah, Mary J Blige. I love her. If you look at her career, it's been a ride. If she hadn't told us what she was going through, we probably wouldn't have ever known. I was thinking, wow she has truly grown up. I mean she says she had some toxic people around her and toxic behaviors abounded. She eliminitated the toxins from her life and look at her now. I mean she probably still has issues right? Everyone does.

But what is important is how she looks at her life now. She's happy for the little things and the big things.

So that's basically what I have been doing through the gratitude posts: eliminating toxins from my life. If you look at this blog in the beginning until now...I have grown. You may not be able to see that, but I have. Trying to figure out what to write about is one thing, but dealing with other people's emotions is quite another. So I had to let some people go and realize that it's not always about me!

When people say silly s&*t it is about them and their insecurities. People who have issues with gay marriage have an issue with their marriage or the lack thereof. When your parents nag you about your life or your friends criticize it's because they don't like what is going on with them. I was sitting here reading other people's blogs and realized that we are all going through the same sh*t...and for what? Like my family always had something to say about my hair. Why? Because there hair wasn't as long as mine, as thick as mine, and they wanted hair just like mine in it's relaxed state. But I am cool without a relaxer, so I will remain natural.

Our emotions can only be toyed with if we allow it. I am tired of playing games and feeding into other people's insecurities. Screw 'em. If somebody doesn't like what you do or say, Screw 'em. If they don't like who you are sleeping with this week, screw them too! If your life doesn't fit there little playbook...tell em ... that's right screw you...I really want to say the F word...but I am trying to eliminate it from my vocabulary.

2008 is coming to an end and it is high time to decide to live your life for you. Stop getting caught up in this everyday drama from the outside sources (news, other people, etc.). Have you made your "easy life" to-do list for 2009-2013, not a resolution...they never get done, but how about a 4 year plan?

LGBT Blogger Conference Day 3

The last day of the conference was really good. I didn't get to stay for the whole thing because my flight left early. I got to speak with Cathy Renna of Renna Communications (really really nice and great information). I kind of bounced from session to session trying to get a feel for everything before I left. This day was really about how to brand your blog, brand yourself, being appropriate for the media and making money from your blog. That's right making money from your blog. That was the session I missed altogether. But there is a book: BlogWild! A Guide for Small Business Blogging by Andy Wibbels.

Here are the other bloggers that were at the conference. I have most of them on my blogroll, but there are a few that I missed.

•BlogActive - Michael Rogers - http://www.pageoneq.com/ , http://www.blogactive.com/
•Boi From Troy - Scott Schmidt - http://www.boifromtroy.com
•Blabbeando - Andrés Duque - http://blabbeando.blogspot.com
•Burnt Orange Report - Karl-Thomas Muselman - http://www.burntorangereport.com
•Calitics - Brian Leubitz - http://calitics.com
•Dykes + Fags: Music by queers for queers - http://ninjatronics.blogspot.com
•(en)gender - Helen Boyd - http://www.myhusbandbetty.com/
•Existential Punk - Musings, Thoughts, Rants of Existential Punk - Adele Sakler - http://www.existentialpunk.com/
•GayAgenda - James Hipps - http://www.GayAgenda.com
•Gay Persons of Color - James Viloria - http://gay-persons-of-color.blogspot.com/
•Get Busy. Get Equal. - Sam Ritchie (ACLU LGBT Project) -http://gbge.aclu.org/content/blogsection/1/76/
•GoodAsYou - Jeremy Hooper - http://www.goodasyou.org
•Greta Christina's Blog - Greta Christina - http://gretachristina.typepad.com/
•hunter of justice - Nan Hunter - http://hunterforjustice.typepad.com/hunter_of_justice/
•InterstateQ.com - Matt Comer - http://www.interstateq.com/
•JoeMyGod - Joe Jervis - http://www.JoeMyGod.com/
•KnuckleCrack - Eric Leven - http://www.knucklecrack.blogspot.com
•Michael-in-Norfolk-Coming Out in Mid-Life - Michael Hamar - http://michael-in-norfolk.blogspot.com/
•Mombian - Dana Rudolph - http://www.mombian.com/
•Nathan Strang - Buffawhat - http://buffawhat.com
•Pam's House Blend - Pam Spaulding - http://www.pamshouseblend.com
•Pittsburgh Lesbian Correspondents - Sue Kerr - http://www.pghlesbian.com
•Project Q Atlanta - Matt Hennie - http://www.projectqatlanta.com/
•Rod 2.0 - Rod McCullom - http://www.rod20.com
•The Bilerico Project - http://www.bilerico.com
•The Mad Professah Lectures - Ron Buckmire - http://buckmire.blogspot.com/
•The New Gay - Michael Eichler - http://www.thenewgay.net
•The New Gay - Zack Rosen - http://www.thenewgay.net
•UK Gay News - Andy Harley - http://www.ukgaynews.org.uk
•Working Films - Lynn Casper - http://workingfilms.org

Check em out!

LGBT Blogger Conference Day 2

Day 2 of the blogger conference started out talking about blogger activism, how the Prop 8 and Amendment 2 (Florida) campaigns were managed online, and then I participated in a diversity on the web workshop and how to become a citizen journalist. This was great for me since I do want to make writing a career and I learned a lot about how people think, motivating factors, and really just how much religion and diversity dominate the discussion around homosexuality.

What I learned:

People want to be heard.
It is time to stop operating in fear.
Black folk don't have a monopoly on diversity.
There are many different viewpoints in the LGBT community.
Attacking religion is not a good defense when discussing LGBT issues.
Language is key in communication. (In school they called it word choice)
There is room at the table for different voices. It's time for us to sit down.
It is important to take responsibility for your own actions. Stop the blame game.
There are many ways to do something, some lead to more positive results than others.

It was a great day. I saw so many people needing and wanting to express their love, it's just built up inside ready to burst open on humanity.

LGBT Blogger Conference Day 1

I am in DC at the National LGBT Blogger & Citizen Journalist Initiative. It is an orgy of sorts. All of these LGBT people descending on the nations capital is a pure site...I have met a lot of great people and hopefully, we will keep in touch. I must preface this by saying, I didn't go in with any expectations. I just wanted to see what it was about, how I could become apart of something bigger, learn best practices etc.

What I Learned (so far):

As one of 3 black lesbians in the room; race is an issue. Someone here said, "You have to brand yourself. If you don't do the branding, other people will do the branding for you." I know this a very diverse audience and I just have to let you know, what you aren't saying about yourself, others are willing to make up and push it along.

The stereotypes that float throughout the country do not fall on deaf ears. At one of the sessions, a young woman brought up that she believed the black vote is what put prop 8 over and that the LGBT community needed to "educate" african-americans about the issues. I will just let that resonate with you. And know that comment did not go un-checked. It is time for us to get in the game....for real.

MILK
So last night I got to see the movie that is sweeping the nation. The acting was phenomenal. Sean Penn was to Harvey Milk as Denzel Washington was to Malcolm X. I will be honest and say, I didn't want to see the movie. I thought, let me go find out more about Harvey Milk. All I really knew was that he was gay, an activist, and a politician. I didn't know anything else about him. The movie was 2 hours long. For a better part of the movie, I was unaffected. I didn't see me or people like me, basically, I couldn't relate. Grant it, he was gay, but the similarities pretty much ended there. Even being an out lesbian, I have not had to endure all that Harvey Milk or the other men have to endure. Really, being gay, in my mind is a male thing--that's even how it was portrayed in the movie. You saw a few women and people of color, but it was not the regular.

I'm gay, but I'm not gay. Does this make sense? The discourse surrounding homosexuality, the gay lifestyle, and gay marriage is overwhelmingly male and white. The black discourse around homosexuality is male and "downlow". Am I missing something? Sometimes I have felt like I don't fit into the broader gay community. This is totally off topic from where the post was supposed to go, but I gotta go where the writing takes me. I think part of this comes from the stereotypes about the community, that make some of us say, "no, that's not me". Say what you will on the topic, I would love to hear your thoughts.

Anyway, Harvey Milk was the first and only lgbt elected official to be assassinated *knock on wood. Now this heartwrenching experience did resonate with me. Harvey Milk was resilient, tenacious, and for the people. Much like some other activists he knew he was doing what he had to do, and it was for the people, by any means necessary. I admire him for that. His work literally helped California be the mecca that it is today. I wanted to move there for the scenery, but when I found out about the protections LGBT people had in the workplace, it definitely made it more appealing.

But that is how I came out of yesterday's session feeling...I will post the rest tomorrow or later this week. ciao.

Do you know what today is?

It's our anniversary. 9 years of love, adoration, joy,and togetherness. I love you pooh.