Boomerang

The more I try to focus on other aspects of my personality in friendly relationships, the more my sexuality rears its head.

I met some new people at an artists meeting and I didn't disclose my "status". I know it sounds like a disease, but I just don't think it is anyone's business. If you tell someone you are gay, most of the time they don't think about relationship they think about sex...And I don't want people thinking about what I do in the bedroom with my girlfriend...You know this already---so just humor me for a minute.

We got invited to go to church and I accepted the invitation because it was "Family & Friends Day". That means there was special seating and food after the service. As a member of the "Gone Big Girls" Society since college and being cheap...I have never passed up the opportunity for anything free...food, or otherwise. Plus, I hadn't been able to go to the church, in which I am a member, for some time now--a little worship was needed.

Upon walking in the service and seeing the message of the day, something like: Marriage: Whatever happened to God's original plan, I got that "Oh no" feeling. Then I opened the program and the "Responsive Reading" was a poem. The line "Homosexuality is still a sin" immediately caught my eye. I tried to get my girlfriends attention. She sat one row in front of me. We eventually looked and gave each other "that look".

Evenstill, I was curious about this experience...as I have never been in that sermon where homosexuality is so vehemently despised. It was sad to say the least. It made me even more grateful for my relationship with such a loving God. One who isn't so vengent and allows me to make my own decisions and gives me the wisdom to make choices about love not ruled by fear.

I decided then that "free" would not be a good enough reason to do anything anymore. That delicious plate of food cost me something that no one should ever have to pay. If I hadn't worked on my relationship with God long ago, I could only imagine how the day would have turned out. On the contrary, I didn't feel bad for not saying the responsive reading or yelling "amen" or "thank you Jesus" every five minutes. I simply observed these people who all claimed to be loving Christians talk so ugly about people. Even the songs were depressing: "The rapture is coming very soon..."

The biggest lesson I learned was that I joined the congregation I joined for a reason and I need to get my hindpots back over there. I miss the uplifting singing, moments of laughter (the pastor thinks he is a comedian), and all around joyous time I have praising and thanking God for all the many blessings bestowed upon me.

Upon returning home, all I could think was "WOW."