I have a lot of daddy issues. I didn't know how much until I sat down the other night to write one thing and out came another. It's funny how I thought I had already dealt with this situation a looooonng time ago. I mean I seriously do not know if this man is my father. And if he is- love is not the first emotion that comes to mind. I often think of my mother and how she must have felt-- making a baby with a man who could not deal. And I have watched enough paternity tests to know that even though we look alike, he could still hear a resounding "you are not the father."
In middle school, I met my "sister". She is supposedly 5 or 6 years older than me. She was nice and we looked alike- well that's what others said. We hung out a lot and then her mom moved her to Virginia Beach. I missed her for awhile. Having a big sister was so much fun. We find each other and then lose contact. My aunt who passed away was the one who was always in the know.
These relationships were in my past and I need to find a way to put it behind me. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter. My past is not my future - nor my present. The traditional sense of obligation has long been gone. So, why do I care?
Well, you're past doesn't define you. So I hope you can let go of this baggage. You deserve love and if people don't want to give it to you, then they don't need to be in your life. Even if it is your "father".
ReplyDeleteIt's good that you see those issues as a part of your past, not of your future. As long as you keep evolving, learning and loving yourself, those things will work out beautifully, and those issues of the past will shape you into a stronger well defined person.
ReplyDelete@ ladybug & Intellexual: Thanks so much for the feedback! I think I know this on a conscious level- He doesn't deserve to be in my life and I deserve so much more from a parent. Furthermore, I am a little past the "I need my daddy stage". I guess I am mourning what could have been--which I never did before. Like you said, growth.
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