There are times in life when you look around and no one is there. When you think that it couldn't possibly get any worse than this. I've been to that time and each day got worse than the last. I didn't know why, what, or how my life could have been turned so upside down in such a short period of time.
I began to seriously pray. I mean praying without ceasing. It didn't get any better. I was really surprised too. I thought prayer changes things. But prayer without faith is in vain. It didn't matter how hard I was praying if I didn't believe that my dreams would be fulfilled. Staying in the closet showed how little faith I actually had in God. I didn't believe that it was really okay to be gay and christian. For so many years, I refused to go to church. I mean really was like what the f* ever.
I was not fully embracing my whole self. I didn't know how to be okay with my love for my girlfriend and okay with my love for God. But now I know, it really isn't that hard. I go through my days thanking God for the opportunity to know genuine love for another human being. I look at her -- stare at her really-- and know that each good day wipes out 10 bad days.
Each time a parent decides to ask one of us to get married to a man makes me appreciate her love that much more. Because let's be real here...parents can be very influential and no one really wants to know life without a loved one. But her love for me and my love for her is so intense, that we are willing to deal with the drama that parents bring. Knowing that we have a greater parent that continues to bless us each and every second of the day makes it that much easier.
He's the only parent we need.
ReplyDeleteI am going through the parent situation right now myself. My fiance and I are getting married in May and my mom and her mom are so against us being together. If they had their way, we would both be with men. Our fathers are both supportive, which I am happy about.
ReplyDeleteI was raised in the pentecostal church, so I have gone through the struggle of being gay and christian. I am still stepping into the fullness of being gay and christian.
Thank you for this post. It's good to know I am not alone.
ABG: He is the only parent we need, but it is so much easier when our earthly parents behave in the manner in which we think they should behave.
ReplyDeleteApril: Congratulations! Just know that God didn't make a mistake. He just wants to know that you believe in him. Once you do, so many revelations unfold, like his love for you and the opportunities that he has in store
It's always good to feel the love. I'm happy for you.
ReplyDeletei like this post :-)
ReplyDeletebee: thanx, i just want people to know it's possible to be happy, feel loved, lgbt & christian.
ReplyDeleteIf any of you are, express it. We need more joy in the world.
pink: i'm glad you do.
Being gay and being a child of God aren't too seperate entities. I think people believe that. Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I haven't forgot where my blessings come from.
ReplyDeleteAnd I know my mom is praying for the day when I'll "stop being gay and come back to the Lord." As as I'm concerned, I never left.
Deepdiva: Amen. I sometimes think I am part of the minority when it comes to God. I know so many people who just walk away, don't count there blessings, and don't remember that he is keeping them. But you are so right when you say, they aren't two separate entitites. So right.
ReplyDeleteI just jumped the parent broom.(it was actually an accident) My mom is actually a lot more understanding since I've been dating my current gf. They even go out together...without me!
ReplyDeleteAnywho, you're quite an inspiring lady. Reading this makes me want to try to regain my faith in God. For a while I had gone astray because so much was going wrong but I guess that should have pulled me closer...
Okay before I blabber 2 much I'm glad you're figuring out how to embrace your relationship with your gf as well as with God. It gives me some hope that I can do the same.
Lani! Welcome and thank you. The last time my name and inspiration were used in the same sentence? A long time ago.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad your mom is so supportive. Keep telling that story. It is an inspiration as well.