I had family visit last weekend. It was very eventful. From my uncle confronting me about my cousins sexuality to my aunt dropping it like it's still hot on the dance floor to something falling into my chimney---there was rarely a dull moment. I mean goodness gracious - why me?
What I found myself asking was, "Why do parents think it is some crime against them to keep our sexual experiences to ourself?" I know you don't have to come out...but at the same time you do. Why is it even up for discussion? Why does everything have to be changed? I am rambling--I know. Sorry.
Let me clear this up: When I was asked if my cousin was gay- I told them to ask him.
I was not going to be the one of putting his business out there and I didn't know if he wanted his parents to know.
Then his dad said, let me know--"Are they a couple?" He didn't want to be the only one in the dark. I said, I can't speak for him...but me and my significant other are a couple.
My significant other says, Auntie why are you doing this?-- Mind you she already knew. Her son talks to her all the time and she knew that he was gay, but refused to acknowledge it. She responds: "He doesn't tell me anything. He doesn't talk to me. Just like Tammy didn't talk to me."
I am like...."Whaaattt?!&?"
What was there to talk about? How should the conversation have gone? I just stopped hiding my relationship -- pretending like we are "just friends" in the last few years. I mean years 1 - 7 or even 8 were pretty much in the closet. Now google me: Tamara Boynton....I'm all gay all the time.
The stress of "hiding" relationships puts too much toll on the body. After they left, I thought that would be the end of it. Little did I know, that every day this week - sexuality would be the topic of discussion.
And who knows how much of my business is floating around Florida now! I am a very private person. Doesn't seem like it eh...with this blog? But a lot of my posts still maintain my privacy.
That's probably another reason I think I am having trouble coming up with blog posts. I like people reading, but everytime I get another email with people acknowledging that they read -- it's nerve wracking. And yes, it shakes my core just a little bit.
Uggh! I am a big bundle of confusion. I am totally open about who I am, my likes and dislikes. I can't even finish this post... I'll holla later...
"Now google me: Tamara Boynton....I'm all gay all the time."
ReplyDeleteI love that!
I personally don't want to talk about anyone's sex life. I don't like the mental picture I get when people start talking about who they're having relations with.
I don't blame you for handling that situation about your cousin the way you did. I am never a fan of outing anybody. Just because I'm out doesn't mean somebody else may want to be so I don't speak on behalf of others.
ReplyDeleteI feel you too with as far as ppl reading the blog. I have tons of anonymous readers, some of my friends read it, and I'm quite sure that some of my fam read it as well. That makes me cringe sometimes but, I really don't care anymore. Ayo's song Life is real is how I feel. I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE.
Life is too short to not be free. My whole goal in life is to be as free as I possibly can.
Alix: LOL...Okay!?! I actually don't mind talking about other peoples sex life...I just don't like talking about mine. LOL It's crazy.
ReplyDeleteGlennisha: Free to be me, that's one of Ladybug Smile's shirts on her website...so poignant.
I would have hurt somebody if they outed me...so I knew that was a no go.
"Now google me: Tamara Boynton....I'm all gay all the time."
ReplyDeletei love that too!!
coming out is a big thing for my gf who now refuses to marry me because I am "in the closet". i just thought that we would simply be us around everyone all the time...i wasn't going to go out of my way to make a big speech about it. i hate the pressure to "come out" straight kids don't say, mom, dad, im straight. it just is what it is.
i dont know why everyone is concerned w/ who is w/ who...folks need to get their own relationships right before they start worring about other folks.
Whew! What a post. I don't like people grilling other people about other people's business. I'm already uncomfortable being grilled about my own affairs. I think you handled your situation well. If your cousin didn't want to come out then that's fine. You shouldn't have been brought into the middle of it.
ReplyDelete