Thursday, November 13, 2008
I have a confession to make.
The closet door is open, but I still have 1 foot in....I only halfway came out. I sent the link to people I really wanted to know. Others don't even know this blog exists. My family reads, but my girlfriend's family has no idea this blog exists. People I used to work with don't know this blog exists. Why? Fear...and some I just don't want all up in my bedroom. I want to come out all the way. But there has always been so much speculation...I don't want people to be right. LOL. Does that make sense? All of the whispers and bets, someone is going to win them. But I don't want to be the one to confirm it...At my former job, I never confirmed nor denied. I even had an incident where a group of students found out, but once again... I just sort of laughed it off to, "Are you trying to hook up with me?" My girlfriend is not out...and I don't want to be the one to out her. If I did come all the way out, everyone would automatically know. What's a girl to do?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I know how you feel. I have just started the process of coming out. For some reason, I thought coming out was something that you did once, like you fling open the closet door and everyone sees you walk out. Nope, its a process.
ReplyDeleteI know folks have been speculating about me, I don't care who wins the bet...but I think it would only be gracious if I got 20% off the top. I'm just sayin'...
Half of my resents having to come out in the first place. It's my life. But being fully out is liberating. So, it's a process. Keep us posted on yours!
if i know the answer to this one, i'd tell you. unfortunately, i don't have an answer for you. :)
ReplyDelete-sarah
I'll tell you the same thing I told Tami, only tell the people that are close to you. Those would be the people you would feel guilty about hiding it from.
ReplyDeleteWith your girl being closeted, I think that you'd have to discuss with her comfort level as well. Who do people think she is to you now?
pink: you are so right, i thought it was a one time thing...but it is a process. abg has a good point though about the guilt thing.
ReplyDeletesarah: lol..i know.
abg: good advice, as for my girl--we're best friends, who live together, and happen to work at all of the same jobs together. lol
Coming out is such a tumultuous process for us and people really don't understand that. It's so many unpredictable outcomes that the level of fear can almost paralyze you. But being free is worth it.
ReplyDeleteI wish you and your girl the best, Tamara.
We're in the same boat. I haven't told everyone. But When people do ask I'm not going to lie about it. I feel like I'll tell certain people when I am ready to. I'm not going to force myself if I'm not ready. I will say that when I tell people or the people that I have told I've felt comfortable enough with them to do so. Others it's like who are you? I don't even care what you think. I think the hardest to tell is the people that are closest to me like ABG said. Like, I don't want to lose them but, at the same time I don't want them anyway if they would be that judgmental.Once you do it, It is very liberating.It's like a huge weight off your shoulders.I agree with PinkChocolate though it's a process.
ReplyDeleteI can't say i know what to say but somewhere in your blog you say you don't care much about acceptance or what pple think...i think you should only tell the pple closest to you..they can't reject you.
ReplyDeleteLOL Yea I know that deadbeat sucka! Hmmmm.I gotcha.I'm sure it's very difficult when you're very open and she's a huge part of your life. So it's almost automatic that you'll talk about her but, you don't want to put her out there like that.I kind of know how that feels. I share a huge percentage of my life on my blog but, I don't really share about my intimate relationships or love life.It's someone that I'm really diggin' right now and at times I just want to write about it but, I can't because it's not just about me. Anytime there is more than one party involved you always have to be thoughtful of the other.Plus you never know who is reading your blog.
ReplyDeleteEven when you come to my blog for instance it's pretty obvious that I'm a part of the LGBT community but, do you know who I'm dating? No. That's just something that I refuse to go into on my blog.You may notice a few songs or videos that I post and say I'm feeling but, I leave something to the imagination.
Ummm I hope I can be of some help but, again I know this is very difficult when you're open. Just think about the movie "The Best Man". Try to be as indirect and non descriptive as possible.Stay away from details when it comes to her.